Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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