well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize