After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
