i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
