he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
