when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
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I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
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Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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