I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
