He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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