im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
