For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
