shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Pants are for mortals
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
