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• (740): View more from Ohio

  There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again

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• (352): View more from Florida

  Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?

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  27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up

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• (512): View more from Texas

  i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.

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  19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  That d should have definitely been an s.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.

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• (315): View more from New York

  2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.

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