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Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
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