Texts From Last Night

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  (785): View more from Kansas

  If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up

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  (785): If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up http://tfl.nu/fktn
  Replies (9) Good night (1076) Bad night (2858)
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  (+44): View more from England

  So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?

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  (+44): So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'? http://tfl.nu/cyi6
  Replies (28) Good night (940) Bad night (3214)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously

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  (757): apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously http://tfl.nu/dgt5
  Replies (19) Good night (937) Bad night (5048)
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  (415): View more from California

  Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".

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  (415): Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed". http://tfl.nu/ptkf
  Replies (54) Good night (8201) Bad night (3470)
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  (718): View more from New York

  You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.

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  (718): You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me. http://tfl.nu/au8t
  Replies (41) Good night (4775) Bad night (1548)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.

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  (313): while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up. http://tfl.nu/p2q9
  Replies (14) Good night (3374) Bad night (1950)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?

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  (478): how did he go about obtaining bull sperm? http://tfl.nu/if4u
  Replies (12) Good night (1162) Bad night (3437)
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  (916): View more from California

  i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable

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  (916): i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable http://tfl.nu/k7qc
  Replies (8) Good night (2450) Bad night (1259)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.

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  (541): Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid. http://tfl.nu/2ym3
  Replies (25) Good night (7612) Bad night (964)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.

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  (724): I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way. http://tfl.nu/vhtx
  Replies (12) Good night (2176) Bad night (1342)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!

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  (701): He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time! http://tfl.nu/6xbr
  Replies (27) Good night (2140) Bad night (886)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.

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  (410): Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI. (1-410): Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return. http://tfl.nu/zi1i
  Replies (10) Good night (1014) Bad night (2033)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69

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  (719): These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69 http://tfl.nu/x4aj
  Replies (2) Good night (831) Bad night (617)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.

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  (312): I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct. http://tfl.nu/4xpm
  Replies (0) Good night (737) Bad night (352)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION

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  (860): THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION http://tfl.nu/ap2c
  Replies (2) Good night (537) Bad night (285)

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