Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles