Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test