some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
