one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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