my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
