My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize