this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
