i don't like sucking hair
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
