i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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