I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
