I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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