Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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