1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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