he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
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I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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