Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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