did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
