im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
