Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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