Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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