Your dad touched me again.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
