something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
