he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
