The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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