i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
