Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize