My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
