did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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