Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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