well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
