but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
