after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
