oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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