K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
