The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
