oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
