she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
