tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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