if i died would you start the facebook group?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
