if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
