tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize