This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
