Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
