I hate your face
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
