but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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