im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
