fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
