If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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