I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
