Rock
Scissors
Fuck
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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