how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I stole a fireplace last night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
