Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
