bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
