are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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