I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
