dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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