So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
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She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
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the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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