i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
