im drinking this country out of the recession.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
