Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
