I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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