Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
