bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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