i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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