So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
A+ Viking dick
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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