ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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