I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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