Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dignity is for republicans.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
