There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
